Whether you are just getting acquainted with the joys of running or you can recite the brand and model number of your last 12 pairs of running shoes, you’ll identify with this book as runners did with the popular first volume, I Run, Therefore I Am—Nuts!
Best-selling running humorist Bob Schwartz—the Dave Barry of running—is back and will once again have you laughing as he captures the humor, craziness, and obsessions of runners—new and old—with this new collection of 43 hilarious stories.
I Run, Therefore I Am— STILL Nuts! brings out the humor in situations that every runner can relate to:
• Suffering from RWIA, otherwise known as running watch information addiction
• The addictive nature of high-intensity interval training
• The depths of despair upon learning your favorite shoe will be discontinued
• Embracing the saving grace of age-graded race time calculators
• Attempting to run with a reluctant canine companion
• Trying out running in the oxymoron of barefoot shoes
If you know that the iliotibial band is not an alternative rock group, wear bruised toenails like badges of honor, and know the feeling of having an elephant resting on your shoulders as you’ve hit the wall—this book is for you!
Table of Contents
Part I It’s All in the Approach to Make Your Runs Beyond Reproach
If it works, then don’t nix it
Chapter Much Ado About Something
Style points can equal mile points
Chapter Watch, What You Say To Me!
Flattering words are now coming from the strangest of places
Chapter We Could All Use a Little More Common Dense
In the words of Fleetwood Mac, sometimes it’s best to go your own way
Chapter HIIT Me With My Best Shot
Better fitness through sheer masochism
Part II Who’s Running With Me?
There’s alone in a crowd and there’s company while going solo
Chapter Solitary Refinement
So long, solo long!
Chapter Look At Me Now
Is it conceit to tweet your feats?
Chapter Forecast: Partly Cloudy, Good Chance of Pain
If you can follow Sparky Anderson’s words of wisdom, you’re on the way to nirvana
Chapter Every Dog Has Its Way
You can lead a dog to the trail, but you can’t always make him a canine convert
Part III Lacing ’Em Up and Laying ’Em Down
There are wins and losses in racing, and a heck of a lot in between
Chapter What Are the Odds That Older and Slower Equals Better?
Using your shortcomings to your success in the long run
Chapter Count Me in on Counting Me Out
Other challenges to pencil in after 100-mile races are erased from your to-do list
Chapter Refraining From Explaining
A poor race performance may not seem just, but it needs no justification
Chapter Log Me In
Do elite runners put on their shorts one leg at a time?
Part IV The Road to Injury Is Paved With Foolish Intentions
Injuries come and injuries go, but stubbornness often remains
Chapter Runner, Heal Thyself!
The path of self-diagnosis begins with a not very bright guinea pig for a patient
Chapter The Impact Of Nonimpact
Can true love be found with a sweat-inducing, cardiac-demanding, quadriceps-exhausting piece of machinery?
Chapter Behind Every Comeback Is a Foolhardy Failure
Fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice, runner rehabilitation is in order
Chapter Malady Malfeasance
There are more than two certainties in life
Part V From the Back of the Pack to the Fleet-Footed Elite, Runners Are Not Run of the Mill
What some call quirks we choose to call talents
Chapter If the Shoe Fits, Snare It!
Locate another pair of your favorite shoe model that’s been discontinued and it’s sweet souls almighty
Chapter Running Is Elementary, My Dear
Simplicity is the father of ascension
Chapter Do What They Say and Watch the Day Zip Away
Operating by the book makes for a long read
Chapter Gesticulate in Kind
To acknowledge or not to acknowledge, that is the question
Part VI The Nonthinking Person’s Guide to the Path of Least Resistance
In the words of the esteemed Yoda, do or do not; there is no try.
Chapter Do What You Want to Do
Whatever starts your engine and puts a bounce in your step
Chapter Giving Yourself the Benefit of No Doubt
Sometimes it’s best to just stop thinking
Chapter More Than a Feeling
Take to the sky on a natural high
Chapter The Time Is Now
The times may be changing, but our infatuation with time is constant
Part VII The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Nonrunning Runner
Weak in the knees while knee deep in anatomy
Chapter Woe Is Knee!
Lacking the ability to run a step is the first step to admitting you have a wee bit of a problem
Chapter The Arms Have It
How to survive when those horrific words are spoken to you: “You’ll have to be non-weight bearing on your leg for a while.”
Chapter Scope Me Out
It’s better to sometimes recognize your limitations than end up prone on the ground
Part VIII Jack of No Trades, Master of Run
Learning while on the run is all part of the fun
Chapter Lessons Learned, Lessons Spurned
The sundry and wacky words of wisdom absorbed from years on the run
Chapter Who Can Leap Standing Water in a Single Bound?
The many peculiar talents of Resourceful Running Man and Running Woman
Chapter Phoning It In
Taking the talk test to a whole new level of communication
Chapter Fashionable Fartleks
Wick me away!
Part IX Enjoying the View on the Competitive Drive
Keeping perspective is a good thing, though an elusive thing
Chapter To Thine Own Self Be You
There is more than one path to the top of the mountain; the key is uncovering your itinerary
Chapter Climb Every Mountain, or at Least a Small Mound Now and Then
Sometimes you got to go with the flow and redefine your definition of slow
Chapter Just Lose, Baby!
There is joy in Mudville
Chapter Faster-Finishing Counterparts
Setting the pace for the race within a race
Part X The Legs Have It! Don’t Be De-Feeted
Figuring out what will keep you on the streets
Chapter May the Stick Be With You!
The magic wand will woo you in the land of self-massage
Chapter Not Fully Baring My Sole
Less is more in more ways than one
Chapter The Rhythm of the Run
As Martha and the Vandellas sang, there will be dancing in the street
Chapter Getting the Bends for Bending
Can a runner with the flexibility of concrete and a limited attention span survive in the world of yoga?
Part XI Behind Every Nuts Runner Are Often Very Accepting Nonrunners
The family of a runner knows the difference between RICE and DOMS
Chapter For Better or for Worse
A union of soles and souls
Chapter Over Hill, Over Dale, and I’m Pale
I wonder if there’s an extra entry fee for the mud bath
Chapter Have Shoes, Will Travel
Can a runner and a nonrunner find and maintain marital bliss on the open road of race-destination vacations?
“In his quest to be a better runner, Bob Schwartz has captured the true mindset of the distance runner. In I Run, Therefore I Am—STILL Nuts! Schwartz articulates this with humor.”
Jean Knaack-- Executive Director, Road Runners Club of America
"A great many runners take their running extremely seriously. Bob Schwartz does, too, but in a seriously funny way."
Rich Benyo-- Editor, Marathon & Beyond
ExcerptsIf The Shoe Fits, Snare It!
Look At Me Now
The Runner's Quotient Exam&Mdash;Are You A Runner?